Angulimala and the Necklace of Fingers (Or Everyone Has the Power to Change)

July 26, 2010 at 8:07 PM (Buddhist Tales)
Tags: , , ,

Photo Courtesy of Akuppa

One of the most memorable and inspirational Buddhist stories that I’ve come across in my novice reading is the story of Angulimala–a story that reminds us that we all have a chance to reach enlightenment, and we all have an opportunity for goodness and grace.

The Story

Angulimala (born Ahimsaka), was a Brahmin’s son who became a student of a famous Brahmin guru. Ahimsaka did well as a student of the Brahmin, and soon became his favorite pupil. Because the other students were jealous of Ahimsaka’s close relationship with the guru, they spread rumors and lies that Ahimsaka had seduced the Brahmin’s wife. Not wanting to directly harm Ahimsaka–perhaps because of political pressure–the guru decided to give Ahimsaka an impossible and horrific task as final payment for his teachings: Ahimsaka’s master demanded 1,000 fingers–each taken from a different victim.

Ahimsaka’s Past Lives

The Pali Canon texts relating Angulimala’s story also explain that Ahimsaka was a powerful demon in his former lives and was known in the Wheel of Rebirth as a man-eater who lacked compassion and exuded superhuman strength. One text I read mentioned that the Buddha recognized Ahimsaka as the strong demon he had always been and valued his innate potential for spiritual enlightenment.

Continuing the Story…

Ahimsaka began his gruesome quest by murdering villagers in the forest of Kosala, stealing a finger from the right hand of each corpse. To keep count of his fingers, he strung them on a thread and hung them from a tree. But when birds began picking the flesh from the bones of the fingers, he began to wear the fingers around his neck like a garland. (From then on, he came to be known by the terrified villagers as Angulimala, which means “necklace of fingers”.)

The villagers–too terrified to enter the forest for fear of Angulimala and his  large sword and superhuman strength–soon sought the king, who heard their cries and vowed to hunt down and kill Angulimala.  Angulimala’s mother–recognizing her son in the tales of inhuman violence perpetrated on the villagers by a demon who lacked compassion–set out to the forest to save her son from the wrath of the king.

At that point, Angulimala had gathered 999 fingers from villagers that he had either met on the road or dragged from their homes in the village and killed. Upon seeing his mother, he decided he would kill her in order to win his last finger for his master.

Enter the Buddha:

However, at that point, the compassionate Buddha entered the road behind Angulimala’s mother. Angulimala–acting from a place of primordial anger and destructiveness, set out to kill the monk instead and ran after him in fury.

Angulimala was bent on destroying the monk–not realizing he was the Buddha himself–and ran as hard as he could to catch up with the Buddha. After realizing that he was running at top speed and he couldn’t catch up to the Buddha who was standing still, Angulimala cried “Stop!”

The Buddha said simply, “I have already stopped. It is you who must stop.”

According to legend, Angulimala transformed in that moment and gave up his evil ways to lead the life of a Buddhist monk, eventually achieving enlightenment in his lifetime.

The Role of Karma

While Angulimala was able to transform his treacherous heart, he was not immune to the karma that followed him for the rest of his life. The heavy karma of murdering 999 people appeared in Angulimala’s life as rejection, threats, and persecution at the hands of his victims’ families. However, Angulimala had at that point accepted responsibility for his actions–a feat which I often have trouble with–and calmly suffered the karma that he himself had created.

When the persecution became really bad, Angulimala appealed to the Buddha; the Buddha calmly conveyed the message that by suffering through this karma now, he could save himself from being reborn in the lower realms or being cast into Hell–which his soul rightfully deserved.

Applying the Principles of the Story of Angulimala

I often make the mistake of believing that I am beyond change, beyond transformation; that my habits have already been formed, and I am merely a plaything of the elements of fate.

The story of Angulimala reminds me that I am in control over my actions; that whatever I have done, I can repay the karmic debt by behaving compassionately, guided by the Buddhist heart and the infinite wisdom of divine love.

The fact that I have done nothing so bad as Angulimala–nor will I ever–gives me solace and peace, because I know that if a murderer of 999 men, women, and children can transform his heart, how much easier for me!

In a nutshell, I think the story of Angulimala gives me hope that positive change and actions borne out of pure, loving kindness, can heal my spirit; that rather than feeling guilty or thrown around by fate, I can take a positive step forward to repay the karmic debts of my past.

Leave a Comment

Buddhist Tattoo?

July 24, 2010 at 9:33 PM (Right Intentions, Samsara)
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So one day I went to get a pedicure. While I was trying to avoid discretionary spending, I agreed with myself that a pedicure would be a nice treat after the grueling hours of work I’d put in at my job and the grueling hours of weekend overtime that loomed in my future. While summer is generally a time when my foot tattoo is able to show its otherwise shy self, pedicures often invite discussion of my tattoo’s meaning—often finding me tongue-tied and with little to say.

A Little Background

When I think back on the decision to get this particular design as my first (and only) tattoo, I remember only that I wanted a gentle reminder of Buddhism’s tenets in a place where I could always see them. Afterward, however, the tattoo became more than that. It morphed into a conversation piece and–more importantly–an opportunity for me to question my beliefs.

Most of the time the doubt was instigated by curious onlookers who found my tattoo beautiful, and were sure it meant something, they were just unaware of what.

After so many people asked me about the lotus and golden wheel design, I became self-conscious, wondering: “Perhaps I am not enough of a Buddhist to don such a tattoo.”

After hearing scathing remarks from my Christian relatives, or receiving looks from strangers after they ask me the meaning of my “Celtic” foot tattoo, I have questioned my initial decision. Would a “real” Buddhist get a tattoo of the Buddha Law Wheel on his/her foot? Or am I just a poser?

Back to the Pedicure

When I eventually sat down in the massage chair to get my pedicure, I had a long enough wait ahead of me. Ironically, I had brought Lama Surya Das’ Awakening the Buddhist Heart with me to pass the time. I had read his Awakening the Buddha Within several years earlier back in college, and was curious to see how this more in-depth text would alter my perception of my life’s path. However, unlike the Buddha’s teachings, I became impatient that I had to wait so long. I became worried about the overtime I would have to work the next day–Saturday–and I began to feel guilty that I was spending money on such a frivolous pursuit.

Armed with my knowledge of Buddhist teachings, I was aware that I was behaving unlike a Buddhist. I began to feel like a sham, like a fraud. When the pedicurist asked later: “What is it?” while pointing to my foot, I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t want to masquerade as a Buddhist when I was merely a whiny copywriter with a poor case of nerves.

Buddhist Detachment and Intention

While explaining my Buddhist foot tattoo continually makes me uneasy, I think it is because of my inability to detach myself from my own self-consciousness. I have always had the fear–and I’ve heard others have this same fear–that someone would find me out as an imposter, that while I believe I am behaving purely, that there will always be someone who can make the argument that I am false.

Now that I think about it, this is true. There will always be someone who can make an argument against my intentions. But does that make my intentions impure?

Buddhist Symbology

I had my tattoo artist Leo Gonzales custom-design my tattoo based on the symbol of the eight-spoked Buddha Law Wheel. Inside the Wheel is a lotus flower–the pure being that emerges from a life dedicated to the Dharma. I don’t regret getting my tattoo, though it makes my beliefs public knowledge in a way that I still haven’t come to terms with. While Buddhism rejects the idea of attachments–and some say tattoos are attachments that clash with the Buddhist notion of impermanence–I believe I can transform my view of my Buddhist tattoo; rather than seeing it as a controversial symbol that sometimes gets me into awkward social interactions, perhaps I could view it as the indelible and deep wisdom of Buddhism, and be grateful that I have it to gaze at each and every day.

1 Comment

The First Noble Truth and Guilt

April 14, 2010 at 11:51 PM (The Four Noble Truths)
Tags: , , ,

The First Noble Truth–that life is inherently difficult and hard to bear–is perhaps where most Westerners (me included) fundamentally misunderstand the teachings of Buddhism. Dukkha (according to Lama Surya Das, author of Awakening the Buddha Within) is often translated to mean “suffering.” Many people misconstrue this fundamental precept to conclude that life is suffering.

When Suffering Seems Like Your Job

One New Year’s Eve I was lying in bed at a friend’s house at about 2am. An incredible feeling of compassion washed over me and I began to dwell on the horrible suffering that blanketed the world. I thought of the poor beggar woman, her hands leathery, cracked, and bleeding. I thought of the lizard swallowed up by an eagle in the desert. I thought of a mother, cradling her child–realizing she would one day have to let her go.

I felt the subtle suffering within every moment and my soul ached and I began to cry and cry and cry. I cried for the toddler with the stubbed toe. For the father who couldn’t afford to fill his car with gas. For the bank broker whose heart was sealed shut.

I began to wonder about my complicity in the suffering of the world. Then a wave of guilt followed. That I could not ease the suffering of these beings, that was clear. I was merely a twenty-something year-old college student, half-drunk, crying in her bed. That I had not tried to ease the suffering of the world, that was clear. I began to dwell on my responsibility–one which seemed endless, which seemed impossible.

Is there Room for Guilt in Buddhism?

Now when I contemplate the First Noble Truth, I can’t help but confuse it with guilt. Where this guilt comes from, I don’t know. Call it a Baptist upbringing. Call it an over-sensitive neurotic tendency. Call it whatever you like.

But until I can separate the two, I don’t feel as if I can move past the First Noble Truth. The removal of my massive guilt stumbling block must come from radical acceptance of the innate goodness of the universe, and, as an extension, my innate goodness.

It must come from a willingness to move on to the Second Noble Truth: that there is a way to end suffering, that there is a reprieve from a guilty existence.

Leave a Comment

Beginner’s Mind: A Place to Start

April 13, 2010 at 2:52 PM (Samsara)
Tags: , ,

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”

– Suzuki Roshi

Our souls all seek enlightenment. But they all take different journeys to get there. My soul–should I call it a soul?–has desired enlightenment beside cool streams and rushing rivers. In the soughing ache of the ocean and the silent fall of the stars. I have wandered–aimlessly, I might add–towards enlightenment my whole life. Yet, it has always seemed to be a mirage, a shifting image like an oasis that was so far out of reach as to be meaningless. Something that pervaded my consciousness in dreams but which I did not examine upon waking. Something that seemed impossible. Something that was to be feared–for it would mean disruptive change–even if for the better.

And now I have started a blog. About Buddhism, no less. For it has always been in my mind’s eye: that I would become a Buddhist someday and be the calm, compassionate, soulful person I knew I could be.

Ironic, that I seek enlightenment via technology and I seek a Sangha through an invisible web that connects people–some say impersonally–all over the world.

I don’t know what this blog will bring; only that I am ready for whatever might come. My spiritual nature is willing to stand its ground and throw down roots–roots that reach into the rich, dark earth and keep me steady, but permit me to sway with the winds of time.

It has been a long journey to get here, and the journey has only just begun. I aspire to begin the right way: as a beginner–with the open, innocent mind of a child that well let me see everything in a new way–the way we were all intended to see the world, and the way we will all make peace with it.

Leave a Comment